Stop Telling People About Your Goals if You Want to Succeed!

For years I would go on and on telling who would listen to me about my next big idea! I would feel almost like a high talking about how I was going to accomplish it and the steps I would take to get there. The person listening would look at me with a cocked nod, ears back, squinty eyes look as if in a forced agreement. Maybe they were just trying to get me to shutup about it because they knew I wasn’t going to follow through again

again and again and again…………………………………..

I thought it was people not believing I could do what I set out to do until I listened to Jordan Peterson lol and realized that I was the problem. My habits were the problem, my mouth was the problem… I was just talking and not doing and it wasn’t just letting others down, it was more importantly letting myself down again and again…

But was my talking to others about my goals part of the reason I wasn’t doing?

The Psychological Reason We Want to Share Our Goals With Others

But if You only knew to Stop Telling People about Your Goals if You Want to Succeed at Them!

Is there a deeper reason that I want to share my new ideas, my goals, my inspired dreams with others? Yes there is, it’s call the “social reality effect”. This is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when we vocalize our goal, giving ourselves a sense of accomplishment, releasing a hit of dopamine before doing anything. This can cause a decrease in motivation due to already having experienced the achievement sensation when relaying it to the other person. This not only makes you lose motivation to even begin, this also allows other doubts to make you doubt your own abilities.

People often want to tell others about their goals because of a psychological phenomenon called the “social reality effect,” where simply vocalizing a goal can give the brain a sense of accomplishment, releasing feel-good chemicals even before taking action, which can sometimes lead to a decreased motivation to actually work towards achieving the goal; this is especially true if you share your goals with someone you perceive as having higher status or authority, as their validation can further reinforce this feeling of accomplishment.

Key points about the science behind sharing goals:

Dopamine release:Sharing goals can trigger a release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, creating a positive feeling even before achieving the goal itself.
Social accountability:Telling others about your goals can create a sense of accountability, making you feel more obligated to follow through as others are now aware of your intentions.
Positive self-image:Sharing goals can boost self-esteem by allowing you to project a positive image of yourself as someone who is ambitious and proactive.
Seeking support:Sharing goals with trusted individuals can provide a support system to help you stay motivated and overcome challenges.

However, potential downsides of sharing goals:

Reduced motivation:If you experience a sense of premature satisfaction after sharing your goal, you may be less likely to put in the necessary effort to actually achieve it.
Fear of judgment:If you share your goals with someone who might be critical, it can create anxiety and hinder your progress.

Important considerations when sharing goals:

Choose the right person:Share your goals with someone who is supportive, encouraging, and can hold you accountable.
Focus on action steps:Instead of just announcing your goal, discuss specific actions you will take to achieve it.
Be mindful of your motivation:If you are primarily sharing your goal for the “feel-good” factor without a genuine commitment to action, it may not be beneficia

There’s a perspective that suggests keeping your goals private can be beneficial. This idea is based on psychological and social principles that emphasize focus, motivation, and accountability. Here’s why some people believe it’s better not to share your goals widely:

1. Premature Validation

Why it matters: Sharing your goals can give you a sense of accomplishment prematurely. This feeling of validation might reduce your drive to take actual steps toward achieving the goal.
Example: Telling others you’re going to start a business might make you feel successful even before taking any action.

2. Increased Pressure

Why it matters: Publicizing your goals can create external pressure to succeed, which might feel overwhelming or counterproductive.
Example: Knowing others are watching might lead to stress or fear of failure, making it harder to stay focused.

3. Risk of Negative Feedback

Why it matters: Sharing your goals can expose you to criticism, skepticism, or doubt from others, which can be discouraging.
Example: Someone might dismiss your goal as unrealistic, planting seeds of self-doubt.

4. Potential for Distraction

Why it matters: Discussing your goals might lead to debates, opinions, or advice that distracts you from focusing on execution.
Example: Spending more time explaining or defending your goals than working toward them.

5. Maintaining Personal Accountability

Why it matters: Keeping your goals to yourself can help you take ownership of your progress without relying on external validation or accountability.
Example: You work harder when your motivation comes from within, rather than from impressing others.

6. Protecting Your Energy

Why it matters: Sharing your goals might expose you to envy or negative energy from others, which could demotivate you.
Example: People with their own insecurities might unintentionally (or intentionally) undermine your confidence.

Exceptions to the Rule

There are times when sharing your goals can be beneficial:

When accountability is helpful: Telling a mentor, coach, or supportive friend can keep you motivated and on track.
When collaboration is needed: Some goals require teamwork or external input, making it essential to share.
When seeking encouragement: Trusted individuals can inspire and cheer you on during tough times.